Ness and I have reached an intersection within our relationship. This isn't quite impasse because we still have the emotional lability to be industriously cruel to one another. I feel an overwhelming love for her, a love which places my soul on spin-cycle, a love that fills me with mortal dread. She touches me and I coil because her touch awakens everything that is human within me. My preconcious mind always seems to be forcing itself through my perceptions in revelation after revelation. When my mind is in full swing, I close my eyes and hear a nonsensical chorus of anxiety-filled overtures- irrational and rational fears of rejection, abandonment...fears of going insane. And then I breathe, I invoke the power of breath. I release myself from any emotional investment in these thoughts, I decide not to worsen my own wounds by engaging in this emotional chatter and it stops. My mind quiets, and the anxiety has revealed itself to be empty. In one second I become the entire universe.
Lately, I question America's proclamation for desired separation of church and state. The state killing of Troy Davis raised new questions for me. The main question this event raised for me is- " are we going to allow the law to become God"? Are we going to allow the law to be our new God? Should the law have unlimited power to inflict judgements upon people's lives? Where do the limits of law end, and the divine rights of freedom infringe upon one another? Which of these should we protect- our right for freedom- or our right to collectively play God?
We have to be very careful. We need to choose wisely.
Some of us are vengeful and impulsive. No matter how you look at it- not all men are created equal- not all men have the capacity to rule wisely.
We have created a society in which money and fame are highly sought after. Could you imagine what our world would look like if this greed and hunger for fame were replaced with a spirit of compassion and respect for all life?
I am not interested in increasing the sense of US VERSUS THEM in the world. I'm not going to take sides because I want to have compassion for all people.
In fact, I have a tendency to distance myself from people who feed my ego by saying things like " you are a good person" bla bla bla. It makes me feel uncomfortable. I appreciate these sentiments, but they are dangerous for me. I do not want to fall back into certain ego trappings.
I have a very real sense of how impermanent life is. Even suffering is impermanent. I don't understand why so many people chase money instead of spiritually preparing themselves for death. Some people live like they will never die....and yet they always die in the end.