Friday, October 7, 2011

The Scorecard Relationship: Compassion vs Friendship

In my life, I have made many many mistakes. I have misinterpreted some of the behaviors of teachers. Tonight, someone blessed me by explaining the distinction between friendship and compassion. I have confused the two often in my life.

My new friend Dave, explained to me that one of the dangers of hanging around just anyone off the street is that their karma might catch up to them while you are nearby. That could put you in big danger. The other issue is that people's emotional states, their words...all of this reverberates and has real consequences. You have to recognize your limitations and " make choices you have the capacity to follow through with", Dave stated.

I asked Dave many questions. He reminded me that " true compassion requires dispassionate objectivity" while " friendship requires trust and commitment".

I recently had an experience, where I felt I had to delete a few people from my friend's list. I really struggled with this. I mean, I really feel for some of these people. I feel their suffering, and their hurt. I literally felt lost about this- I felt compassion for them, but I just didn't want to participate in some of the things they were doing.

I decided that it was important for me to honor my intuition about these people. Trust and commitment were not possible in these cases for varying reasons.

Last night, Anissa and I decided to take a walk on the pier. Far down below us, a group of baby pigeons were scurrying around trying to pluck worms out of the sand. When the tide went out they would rush in, dig quickly, and then flee the incoming wave. We watched helplessly as a few were swept under the water, and eventually out into the black ocean. Anissa wanted to save the pigeons; her heart cried for them... but what could we do? If we went down to help, the pigeons would have certainly scurried away from us, and surely after they were a safe distance from us they would have continued their game of pecking worms out of the sand. We watched several of the baby pigeons die.

If I could have saved these pigeons, I would have- but I could not save them because they would have run away from me. People do this too. You cannot save people who run away from help.

Some people will not let you get close enough to help. Some people are so busy plucking worms out of the sand, that they cannot see the huge dangerous wave headed for them. Some people are swept out to sea. We've all done this ( myself included) in varying degrees.

I feel for these pigeons and people. I want these pigeons to know better than to dig out worms in such poor locations, but baby pigeons will always do this, and some of them will die because of their instinct.

Not everyone will see the wave.

Not everyone will be able to see that they are the wave.

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