Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Love Is Never Lost, and the Band Played On....

We came up together, side by side like two sprouts fashioned by the theater gods. One he named music and the other prudence. But what is prudence doing in the show? Without prudence, you would have lost herself. She'd have been swept up at first by the magnitude of things, and then later by the glitz and glamour, the screaming fans. You taught her that she is worthy of the applause and the worship...but she should never mistake herself for the thing they want her to be. She's not that.

For they'll never know the real me...but you knew her. You did. Wild and reckless, the girl who spun in circles with you, the wind at our backs and the shadows all around us. We were so alive. The two of us packed into an expensive car, driving down the coast and screaming to the music gods, "make me an idol worthy of you!"

And later, when music became begged me to come on tour with you in Italy. "But what solo roles are there?" I asked. "Mostly chorus," You answered in a low voice and then I laughed cruelly. "Why the hell would I ever waste my time in that chorus? Don't you know what I'm worth?" You got quiet. "I was just thinking it could be like old times." You said. " You mean back when I was nobody," I said, mostly to myself as I continued to sip my wine.

When you returned...when both of us came home from our shows, you'd brought this for me. Yet, my hands were empty for you. I was drunk on career.

"Why even bother with that?" I asked you. "Because it's fun." You answered. I thought you were wasting your time.

I was obsessed with my career. Obsessed. Completely and totally obsessed. The factory had done its job and I was hardened and ready...dead inside. You sat with me on the set on NYPD Blue as I screamed at a woman because she'd asked if you were my "girlfriend". "I'm straight," I'd answered, but there was a bite in my voice that sent you into tears and when you ran off crying, I didn't follow.

"They tell me I should only allow myself to be photographed from the right," I said. "I think both sides look good," you said. I rolled my eyes and thought you were a moron. The only thing I cared about was making the next record, making the next sale.

And later came the films, the applause. "Her album is grammy worthy" they said. The Emmy Awards. The Grammy Awards. Flash flash flash.

But your death affected me so deeply, I made a documentary about it and gave it away for free to raise awareness about what can happen to adoptees. Both of us were adoptees.

And then back to music it was...albeit with a deeper awareness

"Julian is changing the landscape of music they said," as I laughed and flirted with endless radio personalities. Even Crossradar covered my music:  Julian Kelly on Crossradar

And Jamsphere:

And Brett Stewart, even though I'm technically signed:

Ridin Dirty of Atlanta:

Sound and Track Magazine:

And countless others, including BET and lots of radio stations in Canada and all over the world.

But the only person who remembered my real name was you.

It's no accident that I named my last album "Alive".

You Can Get Julian's Album "Alive" Here

We started together and I'll never forget that I am who I am because of you.

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